There are a plethora of factors that help one build loving, healthy relationships. The forgiveness factor is the one non-negotiable issue in relationship building. Without the willingness and ability to apologize, forgive and receive forgiveness, one cannot have or be a friend, or even be happy.
Every living, breathing human will experience offense. Most of our perceived offenses are products of our own minds. Usually, when offended by another person, they are oblivious to the fact. I really don’t believe that most people are setting out to purposefully upset another person. Usually, we are offended when others act different to what we desire.
Whether purposefully or inadvertently others will hurt us. Forgiveness is always the best reaction. Ephesians 4:30–32, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Un-forgiveness and the associated emotions grieve the Holy Spirit.
Counter wise, when the Holy Spirit is directing our lives, the evident fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. When overcome by un-forgiveness, anger, bitterness, and depression are the result. The greatest loser is the person who refuses to forgive. The most Christ-like action is forgiveness. Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Before any asked for forgiveness, God through Christ offered forgiveness.
We can forgive others even if they never apologize. We can forgive if the other person does not deserve it. Forgiveness is an action of the will, not of the emotions. Emotions are unreliable. We can forgive anyone of any and all transgressions against us. Ephesians 5:1 exhorts us to “imitate God as dear children.” We did not deserve God’s forgiveness. He forgave us anyway. As his children, we can do the same for others.
In Matthew 18, Jesus was asked how many times we should forgive another. During his response, Jesus told a story of a servant who owed his master a great debt. In today’s money, the debt was $4 billion. The servant begged for mercy. His master was compassionate, forgave and released him from the debt that could never be repaid. This, of course, is symbolic of the forgiveness of our sins and the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.
Later in the story a fellow servant begged for mercy of the man who had been released from the $4 billion debt. This man owed the first servant $8000, no small amount. The first man would not forgive the debt, and had the debtor thrown into prison until the debt could be repaid. Upon hearing this news, the master of the servant called him, said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
When we refuse to forgive a fellow servant, we are turned over to torment. Un-forgiveness and bitterness are linked to physical illness and pain, as well as mental illness. President Ronald Reagan's attitude after the 1982 attempt on his life made an impression on his daughter, Patti Davis: "The following day my father said he knew his physical healing was directly dependent on his ability to forgive John Hinckley. By showing me that forgiveness is the key to everything, including physical health and healing, he gave me an example of Christ-like thinking."
Freedom, joy and peace are directly linked to the ability to forgive and to receive forgiveness. Doing so allows the fruit of the Spirit to flourish in our lives. Refusing to do so grieves the Holy Spirit. Un-forgiveness keeps one imprisoned in the pits of despair. The most Christ-like act is to forgive others. It is also quite liberating.
Peace,
Stan
